Infinity
by discordance
Summary: He was falling into the depths of self-destruction. And just when he thought that hope would never come his way and his chance of experiencing joy once again was pretty bleak, she came along.


**Infinity**

_discordance._

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AN: People are slightly out-of-character here. Don't like, don't read. Remember, I warned you.

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They say that rain is a sign of blessing from up above. I'm not talking about the heavy ones. I was pertaining to drizzles.

I slept thinking about how I wish to see drizzling rain the morning after. I wanted the weather to reflect what I was feeling for the day. And I know what I would feel the very next day. Down and broken. Just like the mild pouring rain.

It was just like that every month. I had it bad on the first few—to the point where all I would ever do was drown myself into the depths of alcohol. It was like that every single day. Nights were dragging, mornings are disasters. I couldn't quite remember what was it that made me realize that you would never want to see me like that. In the end, I was able to pull myself out of my seem-to-be-never-ending sorrow and face the mornings with a strong face. Now I just reserve the alcohol for certain days. And this day was one of those.

This is just the only day left that connects me to you, so I see to it that I clean myself up every time the day comes. I looked behind the curtains and frowned. It was a bright and sunny morning. I cursed for the light that seemed to have been mocking me. I closed my eyes and tried to picture and try to remember how it is when it rains--the gloomy clouds, the uniform pitter-pattering of raindrops. And when I opened my eyes, I feel well.

I dragged myself from the comfort of my bed. This day should be spent with you and you only. So I tried to start the morning right with my morning routine and faced the mocking brightness.

* * *

There are just a few people around. After all, it was early. Wanting no time to be wasted, I headed straight to the flower shop and picked up the flowers that I had ordered the day before. Pink carnations—your favorite.

I remembered the first time that I gave you one. It was the fifth evening that we've spent together. You told me to guess what your favorite flower was and I, having no clue, had always got it wrong. I had to resort to asking around for what it was—but it was worth it. Your smile told me of a hundred stories of pure happiness, and I felt infinite. Again, it was worth it.

Then I started to traverse the path towards the sea—the place where it all ended.

By the time I got there, the sun was reaching nearing its peak. And I frowned deeper because it was like facing morning disasters all over again. I sat by the sand, relishing how warm it feels beneath my skin. And I thought of how the sand was of the same color as your ash; then I closed my eyes. I couldn't think anymore.

* * *

"Sir?"

I opened my eyes, listening to a soft voice on my right side. I squinted; then stopped when I realized that the sun was already preparing to set. "I should have slept", I decided.

"Are you okay? You really shouldn't sleep here."

And that's when I saw her. Auburn hair, auburn orbs. And I found myself drowning into the depths of them. She looked so innocent in her white sundress with that hint of concern plastered across her face. She is exquisite. And then I noticed how her hair was so different from your raven ones that I felt my eyes closing, once again.

I saw your face moving further behind my memory. You were giving me your bright pristine smile—the same smile you've given me when I first gave you those pink carnations.

And that's when I decided. This year would be different. The night wouldn't be spent with alcohol and mere thoughts of you. I would learn to let go.

"These are beautiful."

I reopened my eyes, forgetting about the pink carnations that were lying beside me. She gave me a big bright smile—the same smile I saw when I have closed my eyes; and felt my heart skip a beat.

"But I prefer lilies."

Suddenly, I could see myself towards a bright tomorrow. With this girl who has auburn hair, auburn eyes, and your big bright smile. I felt a big dose of pain leaving my chest, and once again, after a long while, I felt infinite.

"I'm Natsume." I felt myself saying.

"Mikan." She replied with the smile still not wearing off her face.

* * *

_And then it rained._

_And I felt your blessing._

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AN: You know, reviews are my drug.


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